Subject:        Fantastic Party Ahoy

Hi lards

As you may or may not know, I'm legging it around the planet on the 
18th December for a completely long time. So, I'm having a tremendous 
party to celebrate leaving these cold barren shores and to collect 
all my fantastic birthday pressies (13th for all you forgetful 
types!) which I know you've spent the whole year preparing.

No excuses apart from The Portly Brothers as I'll collect in person 
when I arrive in Oz so Mr. DutchEternalQuestForBodilyPurityBloke I'll 
expect to see you here.

Date            Sat. 9th December
Venue           Flat 5, 36 Charnwood St., DERBY 
Phone           01332 372615 for directions.
Plan of Action  Meet in my flat and start drinking (lots)
                Go to most fantastic pub in country (reminiscent of 
                the Natural History Museum, I kid you not)
                Go to next pub
                Go to next four pubs at least
                Find the nearest dodgy curry house
                Chuck up lots / Derby Local Penitentiary
                My flat for more ale and dubious substances
                Pass out
                Derby Crown Court in the morning for those who have 
                transgressed the unwitten law (Smith!)

Fantastic resigning conversation:
Me  : Hello
Boss: (In surprised tone as I should be in Derby) Good Morning
Me  : Can I have a chat?
Boss: (Warily) What about?
Me  : I'd like to hand in my notice (travel round the world, have a 
      great time and never come back to this stinking infested rams 
      bladder of a job ever again(in my dreams)) 
Boss & Rest of Office : Incredulous silence
Me  : Fan Tas Tic! (in an airpunchingly sort of way)

See Ya Soon.  That Roystery one.

> For some reason Roy (technophobe) buggered up my e-mail, so I'm 
> sorry if anyone gets this twice.  The message was returned by the 
> postmaster here who read that some bloke called Royster borrowed my 
> machine to talk about drugs, drink and wild parties. So I don't 
> want any whingin if you only had the annoyance of receiving a 
> message twice!
>
> See ya there 
> Roj

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Subject: 	Party talking

It was great to see all UK lards on Saturday - needless to say the party 
was only too pleased to see Jacks&I, as we arrived true to form 30 minutes 
late.  However, once there, the party could of course get off the ground 
and we headed pubwards..................

A splendid night was had by all, except for Roy's mate who was knocked
around by one of the not-so-friendly locals.  Derby was totally humming
at 3 in the morning, it was amazing.  Plenty of lagers abounded and
we even (I'm sure) danced to Abba in Dicky`s absence, or at least that's
why I did it.

For those who have not seen it yet, Royston's hair is tre-mendous!  I still
can't believe he's gond and done it.  It now makes him totally easy to 
locate in a pub and particularly fluffy to stroke.

Anyhow, we had our (1st) office party today.  Shamefully for the Brits it
didn't live up to Fletch's Canadian exploits in pure tonnage of tongues
flying around, but there was considerable amounts of food of all descriptions
being lobbed.  It culminated in a Macho arm wrestling tournament where
50% of the contestees looked very very embarrassed having been floored by
the other 50% in front of everyone they know in the office.  Needless to
say, one twitch of my Pecs was enough to deter any challengers from
thinking they could match Jon 'my body is a temple' Harris in any given
discipline.  Although I had ready my response in the event of a defeat -
I'd shout 'OUTSIDE - NOW' in hugely macho tones, and then challenge them
to a 10K roadrace - not quite the Crays but at least the loser only feels
a bit puffed rather than having a permanent smile.

Well I fear my creative juices are running low (no sniggering) so I'll
sign off with a swift 'adieu' and look forward to seeing the 
Southamptoners on Sunday.  Nick - shall I bring a bird with me?

So long dudes.

Jonniieee.